The Shame of Ireland

The Shame of Ireland

Good news! I am on Dragons Den next week. I have invented a land mine that looks like a prayer mat. I reckon the prophets will go through the roof!

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A very successful attorney parked his brand new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out, a truck came along too closely and completely tore off the driver's door.

Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus with his lights flashing.

Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the attorney started screaming hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just purchased the day before, was completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new again.

After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his headin disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said."You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It was severed when the truck hit you!"

"OH, MY GOD!!!" screamed the lawyer.

"My Rolex !

Poof! The Light Goes On!



A 72-year-old man goes for a physical.

All of his tests come back normal so the doctor says,
"Harry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"

Harry replies,

"God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed
it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I'm done, poof! The light goes off."

"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Harry's wife.

"Mrs. White," he says, "Harry is doing fine but I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God! Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! The light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! The light goes off?"

"OH, GOOD GRIEF!" exclaims Mrs.White.
"He's peeing in the fridge again!"

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